Saving Marriage With Better Communication

“Communication is key.” I have heard that so often when being given advice about dating and marriage. But, sometimes, what we see portrayed in media, books, or even personal examples may not fit that idea. In all marriages, there needs to be an open communication between partners. We usually think of communication surrounding things like finances, children, or everyday things that are similar. But, recently I’ve learned to see the huge application that communication has to fidelity, physical intimacy, and even overall satisfaction in marriage. Many of the overarching problems created in marriage could be solved by better communication.

For example, having a marriage of high fidelity is important. But in today’s world, the lines surrounding what is and is not appropriate are somewhat blurred. People who are in a marriage of high fidelity are true, faithful, and completely open with the other person. Trust like this doesn’t come automatically. There has to be continual effort to increase that bond and openness with the other. Being true and loyal doesn’t mean that you have no problems. It means you have the strength to be real and true to the other person in your weaknesses. There will still be quarrels and hardships, but when both parties are receiving their supportive only from the other person, that’s when a strong marriage is formed.

 Physical intimacy is another part of marriage that has to be strong. It’s not all about sex. But, it is about being affectionate with each other and helping the other be fulfilled. That’s where communication comes into play. If your spouse is a very touchy person and you are not, you have to let them know that. In my family, we are very into Love Languages. It is basically a way to understand how you best give and receive love. There are five main languages; Time, Touch, Service, Gifts, and Words of Affirmation. Since I have a pretty big family, it’s nice to know how each of them give and receive love. It’s super different for everyone. But, when you are open with someone else how they best receive love, you understand them better.

Having a specific love language means that receiving other languages won’t affect you as much, but they’ll still be worthwhile. Being open and affectionate with another means that you respect another person’s love language and are supportive of their needs and vice versa. For example, I am not a very touchy-feely person, but my little brother’s main love language is physical touch. In respect for me, he shows me love in other ways, and I show him love by giving him hugs or scratching his back. Both of our needs still need to be met, but since we communicated that we have different ways of meeting those needs, we were better able to help the other person.

The same thing applies inside of a sexual relationship. Each person has different physical needs that have to be fulfilled to have the happiest marriage. If you are too embarrassed or uncomfortable to talk about that, there will never be a complete openness with the other person, and your needs won’t be met. Having weird or uncomfortable conversations is a part of marriage. You have to get used to it and use those moments as growing opportunities, instead or weakening points!  

As you can see, overall satisfaction in marriage is connected to so many things. But, the base of all these problems is having good communication. Couples who rely and trust on the other will have happier, more successful marriages. Understanding your partner comes from always putting them first and talking only to them when problems arise. My mom always tells me not to talk to someone else about your family’s problems. When you use those problems as an opportunity to increase your trust and confidence in each other, you’ll have an ever greater trust and reliance upon that person only.