The Essence of Good Dating

If marriage is one of the most important things we choose to do in this life, preparing for it may seem a little daunting (at least to me). Even if your marriage seems to be a long way away, there are things we can do now to make sure our dating and marriage are both successful. Dating is a huge step towards meeting new people and determining traits you want in a companion. This week in one of my classes we learned about how to relate what dating should be to The Family: A Proclamation to the World. (You can find a link to that document here.) It was really interesting to me because we made some correlations I never had before.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World lays out some pretty cool traits for both men and women. Those of a mother include nurturing and watching over her loved ones. Those of a father include providing for, presiding over, and protecting their loved ones. This can correlate very strongly with the principles of dating. There are three principles of dating that go along with these attributes, Paid for, Planned, and Paired off, respectively. That correlation may seem a little weird, but I’ll explain more.

 The way a man Provides on a date is by Paying for it. In that way, he is showing he is able to pay and asserting that he is capable of providing (even if in a small way) for the woman. The second correlation is between Presiding over and Planning a date. Presiding means to direct or lead something. When a boy shows the commitment of planning a purposeful activity that both people enjoy, he is in a way showing the woman that he is thoughtful and prepared! The last principle of dating is between Protection and Paring off. I remember one time I went on a group date and my date ended up talking and pairing off with another girl. So, this specific girl had two boys vying for her attention, and then it was just me. Awkwardly a fourth? wheel in their conversations haha… When talking about protection on a date, I don’t think a boy is in charge of just protecting his date physically if needs be, but also emotionally. There should be a layer of protection to interact with each other without fear, be physically safe together, and protect one another’s honor.

Saying that men have the opportunity to Protect, Preside, and Provide more often than women is not saying that women can do nothing in the dating process! They play a crucial part as well! Girls can plan dates and pay for them, etc., but they also bring another component to the table. They can nurture and help a relationship flourish with kindness and love. I think women have a great opportunity to reciprocate the appreciation they have for the man by accepting dates and getting to know new people.

Speaking of accepting dates… Dating is not “chillin.” In high school, a boy asked me to “chill” one night, and I told him I didn’t “chill” with boys. While being around someone and getting to know them is super important, I think there are better ways to do that than hanging out. Dating shows a different level of commitment and desire to do purposeful, enriching things together. That’s what I want in a marriage, so why would I do anything else while dating?

Overall, the biggest things that determine true dating is if it is planned, paid for for by one party, and paired off between people. This is the best equation of being able to be open and understanding of each other and feeling a shared bond of togetherness. Since marriage is so important, we shouldn’t treat the steps that lead up to it less important. In fact, they should be more important if anything! The principles we want in a marriage should be first tried out in dating!