Family Culture

It would be interesting to be a newcomer to one of my family parties. I have nine siblings, and while not all live close by, a lot of us still get together regularly and party. If you’ve ever seen While You Were Sleeping, every conversation of ours would be very similar to one they have around their dinner table. One person is in the middle of a conversation, but still pipes up when someone else is talking about another thing in the next room. One second you’re talking about the card game you’re playing, and the next, someone’s dropped a movie reference and everyone joins in to finish the line.

But, I know not everyone’s family is this way. I’ve been at a dinner where not a single person says anything until the meal ends and everyone is excused from the table. It felt so foreign to me! I’ve never gone a full meal without movie quoting or talking about some crazy thing that happened during my day. So, why is there such a big difference between families and how they interact? Even when we’re from the same social class and area, there can be a huge difference. And the reason boils down to one word. Culture.

Culture isn’t just about where we’re from or what we do. It’s why we do it. Why do we have the values we do? Generally speaking, many times our culture comes from those around us and how they react to a situation. We learn that something is socially acceptable and use that knowledge as a way to gauge how to act ourselves. A family culture has been created for many generations and is quite often passed down without thinking. For example, having family be the greatest priority is a huge deal in my family. You don’t just skip a family party because you don’t want to go. You go, and you like it. Haha. For a long time, my parents have made the distinction that family is one of our most important relationships in this life. As a result, I consider my family members to be my greatest supporters, cheerleaders, and friends I’ve ever had.

In my life, sometimes it’s hard to see how a family culture could be bad. Most of the family cultures I see every day are good, positive things that bring a family closer together and closer to Christ. But, there can also be downfalls to a family culture. An obvious example of that would be the differences in a marriage. When someone marries into my family, I’m sure it’s a huge difference and takes a lot of acclimation to try and make sense of the chaos there. But, it can also be clashes between couples. One person could come from a family where they weren’t very close, while the other could have been raised where they thrived on having strong bonds with their family members. It just depends on how you were raised and what you see as normal and not-so-normal.

But, if there are those differences present, is there no hope? Is it all lost? I don’t think so. Because our family culture and values are so deeply ingrained in us, it can be hard to change our thinking, but I believe it’s possible. There’s a quote that goes something like, “Change is the only constant in life.” I think that is so true! Change will always be there, no matter what stage of life we’re in. But, we can also analyze what we do and why we do it. When you recognize those things in your family culture you want to change, you can! It will take hard work, but a culture doesn’t have to end up being a tradition.